Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
