one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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