Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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