I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
