Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
birth control should be required to get into college
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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