I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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