So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
