my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
