I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
