Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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