She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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