I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
