When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Someone signed my nipple.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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