that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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