Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
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