Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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