Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I think people are normalizing furries
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
