all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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