He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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