I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize