And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
