I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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