Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
