It was confusing and full of hummus
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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