dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
