She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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