Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
