it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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