the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
