I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
