I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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