i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Randomize
