Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
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