He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
