just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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