just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
