You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
