Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
