It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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