Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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