Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
