Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
