dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i wish my penis had a tongue
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
