Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
