got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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