i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
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