I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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