i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
