So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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