a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
