hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
