his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
