Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
