Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
