You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
