So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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