he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
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