Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
ok first of all what the fuck
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
