another moral hangover. fuck.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
