i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
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