Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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