If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Randomize
