life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
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