It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
