I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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