Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
