so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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