I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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