I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
