Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
