My first STD was from a foam party
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Randomize
