i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
