I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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