his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
soo... how was my night?
Randomize