Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize