Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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