kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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