all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
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