he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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