Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
