Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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