I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
