Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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