Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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