names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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