I didn't shave. On purpose
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
