Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
