he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
