summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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