I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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