the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
