The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
