I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
