in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
