i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
