I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
