Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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