I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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