I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
