you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize