his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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