How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
