There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I lost the right to judge tonight
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
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