Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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