It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize