I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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